For some reason this year has been harder on me than others. Maybe because I see my other 2 boys playing soccer, basketball and baseball and think about how PJ could have been a great sports player too. Or maybe because I remember being a teenager and the things he could be facing with school and girls and friends. It could be because I think about conversations I have with Travis, my 7 year old, and how Trav can share jokes, stories and laughs with us. Then I think of the stories and laughs and jokes PJ didn't get to tell us. Perhaps my arms just ache for one hug with my precious son.
It took me about 5 years to deal with my grief. I don't know if that's a long time or if some would say a short time. I was just thankful that I could finally talk about PJ without losing it. So it did take me by surprise this week that I was having such a hard time thinking about PJ's birthday and realizing he would have been 14.
Life can be a whirlwind. Busy with sports- games and practices, busy with work and school, busy with paying bills and cleaning the house, busy with church and commitments. Homework, required reading, keeping up the yard, swim lessons, grocery shopping- they all take up our time. I was caught off guard with lots of tears today. And that's ok. To the mamas out there I wish I could give some sage advice. The best I have is: love deeply. Love your babies, give them your time- you will reap lifelong by sowing your time into your kids. Hug them every chance you get. Speak kind and encouraging words into their lives. Be excited with them about whatever they are excited about- it's a big deal to them. Cherish those precious little people, because 14 years is gone in a flash.