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Today before naps I asked my boys to pick out one book each for me to read to them. Peyton headed downstairs, then turned around and started running up saying, "I have to go pee!!" Travis was putting our dog in the garage and I stood on the stairs and talked to him for a moment when all of a sudden we hear, Splash! and then the ensuing cry. So we looked at each other like, what was that? When I walked over to where Peyton was still standing on his stool crying and peeked into the toilet I saw his sunglasses, laying in his still warm pee.
At this point, I was upset with him and wanted to say, C'mon!!! But I looked at him with pity in my eyes and said, I'm sorry that happened. He, of course, wanted me to fish them out. I said, I'm sorry, that's not an option. You can either pull them out or try to flush them. He didn't like that. "No, No! I don't want to lose them!" So after a moment of looking down with tears still in his big blue eyes, he reached his hand in. I had a towel ready for him to set them on, and I asked if he wanted to wash his hands. After washing them twice, I then gave him his next choice. Do you want to throw them away or do you want to clean them? Peyton looks at me, "I want you to clean them." So I used empathy once again, "I'm sorry, Peyton. That wasn't an option." He really didn't want to lose those sunglasses, so we got out the Ammonia. I warned both boys about the strong chemical smell and also that I wasn't sure if the Ammonia would ruin the glasses. I asked Peyton if he wanted me to still pour the Ammonia on them with the chance that the color could be ruined. Tearfully he nodded and Travis chimed in with, "It's ok, Mom." They both went out of the room and when I had finished I called Peyton in and told him that the glasses had survived the Ammonia. Now that they were disinfected he could get the dish soap and wash them. Travis helped his little brother with turning the water on and off and encouraging him to use both hands. The whole time they were telling me that they would never let their sunglasses go near the toilet again. When Peyton was done rinsing them off, he dried his hands and his now clean sunglasses with a towel. Then proudly he put them on. I said, Good job buddy! Now let's go read our stories. Peyton happily ran down to get his book and wore his sunglasses the whole time I read to them.
Here's what I've learned. Warnings don't always work, yelling almost never works, and sarcasm is just mean. When I empathize with my kids sorrow and allow them to fix their own problems, they are more likely to walk away from that experience lesson learned. I really would have let him try to flush the sunglasses after letting him know that the toilet could break and then he'd have another problem to solve. But it didn't go that way at all, like I knew it wouldn't. I also would have let him throw them away, knowing that when he wanted sunglasses I could say, Bummer! How are you going to buy another pair?
I may need a 3,2,1 moment so I can release any anger or frustration from different escapades my kids get into. But when I keep my cool, my kids can see that life is easy. Solving problems is easy. When they have a job they aren't going to go crying to the boss wanting her to fix everything. My kid will be the one in the conference room saying, our company had a huge problem but I have the million dollar solution! :) Bonus, when I allow my child to fix their own problems even though it might take 20 minutes longer than if I had fixed it, at least I'm not the one sticking my hand in warm pee.